


Running After (you)

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Love is a dangerous disadvantage, M/M, Sherlockian angst, Siger and Violet Holmes, but happy at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 17:22:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running After (you)

Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession.

He’s known it when he was young from watching his parents.

Violet and Siger Holmes were enigmas. Two aggressively independent people brought together through ambition, and then bound together through fire and passion. Both were unused to bending to another, both didn’t know _how_ to bend to another without admitting weakness, without admitting defeat.

The success of a relationship depends on your ability to bend.  
  
Violet and Siger were ticking time-bombs, rigged to explode and send shrapnel everywhere, and maybe they knew that. Maybe they knew that this impossible (irrevocable), improbable bond would only end in disaster because they _fought_.

They flung insults, curses, occasionally even _objects_ at each other in their attempt to destroy the other.

They always came back to each other though. They didn’t have a choice.

(When Siger Holmes died in a car accident, it wasn’t long before Violet left too. With a bullet to the temple and a smile on her face. Sherlock vows not to make their mistake.)

Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession.

So he swears to himself that _this isn’t love_. He doesn’t love the drugs, he needs them. They make his mind quiet. They make his thoughts clearer. He can stop it anytime he wants.

He won’t let it destroy him. (But wouldn’t this be a great way to go? _No!_ _Quiet_ ). He is in complete control of himself (this body is only transport. A receptacle for your mind, what does it matter?) This can’t destroy him. It _won’t_.

_Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession._

And if Sherlock knows this, then Mycroft must know it too (doesn’t he?), so it can’t be _caring_ that makes Mycroft force his brother into rehab, but some other motive.

Filial reputation, misplaced fraternal obligation, etcetera. Not sentiment. Where else did he first hear that “Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side?”

"You have a propensity for being selfish without even knowing it. Did you know that? It comes from our mother."

Sherlock wakes to the sound of Mycroft’s weary tones cutting through the silence.  _Disinfectant. Beeping. Heart monitor. Hospital room._

The chain of deductions go on. _Mummy’s death, nothing, nothing, nothing, the drugs. Overdose._

He must have missed her funeral.

Mycroft is speaking again, and this time his voice is knife sharp, cutting through the dregs of Sherlock’s drowsiness.

"Sherlock, I need to know,  _did you try to overdose intentionally.”_

A long silence 

"I don’t know."

Sherlock spends the next six months in rehab, and in the end, Sherlock forgives Mycroft for sending him to rehab. What he can’t seem to forgive him for is his endless patience. (Why doesn’t he run?)

He would have run. Why doesn’t he?

_ Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession. _

He is more careful now, this Sherlock. He doesn’t mind the insults, jibes, and taunts thrown at him because in his mind it’s a far better result than the alternative.

(the alternative? He can’t quite remember what the alternative feels like. Just to avoid it.)

He meets Lestrade (who occasionally goes by the alias “Greg.” Odd. Must be researched.). He gives Sherlock cases. Sherlock lets Lestrade fulfill his idealist principle of having the bad guys caught, and the good guys saving the day. 

Not that Sherlock considers himself good per se, but he has no compunction to tempt the darker side of the law. Yet.

No, not worth the trouble from Mycroft. The nosy _git_.

Sherlock lives in a state of suspension. He isn’t happy, but he has the cases. He isn’t touching the drugs either, and he doesn’t think too much about dying (mostly). He isn’t expecting it to get any better.

_ Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession. _

But then he meets John Watson. 

John says Sherlock is  _fantastic_. John says Sherlock is  _amazing_. John says Sherlock is  _incredible_.

But that isn’t even the oddest part. The oddest is the way that John says  _Sherlock_. 

He’s said it in awe, anger, annoyance, resignation, laughter, and something approaching tenderness but never in disgust. 

A dinner and a cab chase later, Sherlock finds himself laughing with him.

John Watson finds ever newer and more dangerous ways to insinuate himself into Sherlock’s life. He finds himself realizing that he wants John to be there.  


He wants to have John around to listen to him complain and still make him tea. To follow him when he’s chasing down serial killers. To listen when Sherlock talks.  


Sherlock is confused by this, but he doesn’t question it. (not worth the trouble… or the humiliation?)  


Sherlock denies it to himself most of the time, not to mention, John.  


So when he asks Sherlock whether he just carries on talking when he’s away, (yes, because you should be here, always, you’re a part of 221B) he responds “I don’t know, when are you away.”  


_ Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession. _

So why is Sherlock absolutely certain that when Moriarty promised to burn the heart out of him, he meant John?

But that is occupying a secondary role in his mind palace because John is  _jealous._ Of Irene Adler of all people too.

Oh that part is easy enough to figure out, with the drawn out silences, and the passive aggression followed by awkward apologies. What Sherlock doesn’t understand is _why_ he’s jealous.

Sherlock isn’t even _interested_ in Irene. Irene isn’t kind or patient or helpful, she’s haphazard and nebulous, like Sherlock is. Too many angles, not enough solidity. She’s as likely to hurt him as anything else.

He’s married to his work, anyway.

_ Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession. _

After the case is over, Irene dies, and John resumes his role as Sherlock’s caretaker, (acquaintance, colleague, not friend, he said he wasn’t) things get… closer.

Not uncomfortably so, but it was as if John had lost the compunction that made him stand away from Shelock due to his ridiculous ingrained sense  of politeness.

And Sherlock is fine with it.

_ Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession. _

_ Sherlock dreams of woollen jumpers and guns, bullet wounds and medical kits.. He feels safe until suddenly John screams, “SHERLOCK!” terrified, and then falling, falling over and away, away, away…  _

_ _ Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is _ _ possession.

(But Sherlock Holmes is in love with John Watson.)

_ Sherlock Holmes doesn’t make the mistake of falling in love because he knows that love, in essence, is possession. _

Sherlock nearly drowns in the Thames. It isn’t anymore pleasant the second time than the first. He doesn’t tell John about he first time, thinking it might be classified as ” A bit Not Good.”  


—-  


Sherlock sleeps for ten solid hours. He wakes up exhausted but warm. Something warm is in his bed. _Chamomile tea, even breathing, warm skin. John._  


John wakes up, yawns, and then freezes.   


"Oh! Sherlock, I-"  


"It’s fine John"  


And then John does something unexpected. He pinches Sherlock hard on the arm and it _hurt._  


“ _Sherlock Holmes_. WHAT made you think that jumping into the freezing cold Thames river and _nearly drowning_ was a good idea! You IDIOT do you know how scared  I was, do you _know_ what I want to do to you when you-” he stops abruptly  


"Do what?" Sherlock asks quietly.  


John leans forward and kisses him.  


_Sherlock Holmes ~~doesn’t make the mistake of~~ fall(s) ~~ing~~ in love ~~because he knows that love, in essence, is possession.~~_

The way Sherlock Holmes loves John Watson is fundamentally different from his parents.’

Violet and Siger’s relationship dealt only in hands of fire, and possession, and need, with absolutely no remorse in the taking and no willingness to heal.

John is not his parents.

For all the need that John has for Sherlock, Sherlock gives back, but John gives back more than that too.

John gives him warmth, and, safety, and chamomile tea, and doesn’t ask Sherlock for more than Sherlock can give.

John laughs at Sherlock, and Sherlock laughs with him.

When Sherlock runs off John chases after him.

When Sherlock gets himself hurt, John patches him up and calls him an idiot, but he says it fondly, so Sherlock doesn’t mind.

Love can never be possession with John because John heals Sherlock, and he asks of Sherlock only what Sherlock can give him. That, Sherlock thinks, is love and not possession.

__

**Author's Note:**

> Please read and review.


End file.
